We are closely linked to one another whether we acnowledge it or not. We are the present, the past, and the future. We are choice. We are divinity. We are nothingness and everything, darkness and light. We are complexity and simplicity.

We are freedom and restriction; humanist and animalistic; inferior and superior. We are apart. Together, we are one. We are change and stagnation.

In short.. we are.

I haven't checked in to Gaia lately, but when I saw this question in my Inbox it really gave me pause.

I've struggled with the answer to this question many times over. Suffering nearly half my life with depression, I never used to look inside because what I saw was, to me, no good. Imperfect. Ugly. Broken. Irreparable. Unworthy. Why look at that? I used to ask myself - Who really wants to see that?

Well, the answer is -- I do. I had to face the "reality" of what I saw within myself to be able to move past it. To confront it head on and learn how to manipulate it into something that I would be proud to see within myself.

This time last year, that negativity was what I saw within me. Today, I understand why I was seeing it, and I'm changing my perceptions. How?

Imperfect -- God does not ask me to be perfect, so I should not ask it of myself. He loves me just as I am.
Ugly -- In the eyes of my Father, I am beautiful. His beauty shines through me.
Broken & "Irreparable" -- My faults, my brokenness allow God a medium to work within me, leaving more of Himself in me with every crack that he mends.
Unworthy -- "For God so loved the world He sent His only Son..." Who am I to call myself unworthy in the face of such love?

I look within to remind myself of where I was and to give myself the vision of where I want to be. Knowing where I was before, and that I no longer want to believe such things of myself, tells me where I want to go - it's the building block, the foundation, of what will be my future. I think that's a pretty good reason to look within, don't you?

Cheers,

Anda.

My beautiful black cat, Salem. I adopted her from a vet's office six or seven years ago. At the time, we already had one cat and my mom wasn't keen on the idea of getting another one. Salem was a titchy little thing, only five weeks old, and she and her brother had been left at a vet's office. After my aunt adopted the male, we took him to my Mom's work and I begged her to let me get his sister.

I begged and begged, even cried, because I was so smitten with that tiny little kitten. My mom finally relented and the next day, I went back to the vet's office. I made a small donation and they let me take Salem home.

As a kitten, she used to curl up on my pillow at night when I went to bed, buried in my hair and purring into my ear. She decided several months later that she wanted to be in the big outside world. She's gone "missing" a couple of times, lost outside, but she's always managed to find her way back home. A little bit ornery and persnickity at times, she is still "mi pantera preciosa" and I love her more than anything.

She'll get into a mood sometimes where she wants to just snuggle up to me and be held, she'll creep under my blankets and sleep by my side at night occasionally. She's very vocal about her needs, "miaowing" loudly when she wants something, and everyone in the house (even my uncle, who is NOT a cat fan) loves her to pieces.

My Salem is my little joy in my life.

I will never regret the mission trip I took to Monterrey, Mexico. I learned so much about serving God and serving others, and so much about myself, that I know that weeklong experience in my life will constantly be something I will look back on throughout my future to re-inspire me and give me hope when the road gets rocky.

I'm wishing for -- Sunny with a high of 75. :) Which is a bit hopeful of me, consdering the forecast this morning is for cloudly skies and a high of 59.

But this Q&R reminded me of a Relient K song and I'm going to share the lyrics -- please note that I make NO CLAIM whatsoever on these lyrics; they belong to Relient K and the record company, definitely not me. That said, this song never fails to make me feel happier, so I thought I'd spread the joy.

We were talking together
I said, "what's up with this weather?"
Don't know whether or not
How sad I just got
Was of my own volition.
Or if I'm just missing the sun

And tomorrow, I know,
Will be rainy at best.
And the forecast, I know,
Is that I'll be depressed.

But I'll wait outside
Hoping that I'll catch sight of the sun.

Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
Their control over the sky
And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I

And now I'm sunny with a High
of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

And the temperature is freezing
And then, after dark,
There is a cold frost sweeping
In over my heart

And we might break up
If I don't wake up to the sun

Because on and off,
The clouds have fought
Their control over the sky
And lately the weather
Has been so Bi-polar
And Consequently so have I

And now I'm sunny with a High
of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be alive

Sunny with a High of 75
Since You took my heavy heart
And made it light (made it light)

And its funny how you find
You enjoy your life
When you're happy to be...
Alive

Call to action: make today a bright and sunny day in your life; enjoy today, enjoy your life, and remember to be thankful for the chance to see the sun today. :)

Cheers,

Anda

"Relax."

There's quite a bit going on with me this week.. I've had tests for school, and I've got an upcoming speech for my Fundamentals of Public Speaking class, which is very "AHHH!!!!!" for me.

So, I think "relax" is a good word of the week for me, for this week and every week!!

Strength. Intellectually, I know I am strong. I have been through enough at my young age, unfortunately, that my strength has been proven. Emotionally, I feel, most of the time, very weak. There are days when I feel as if the slightest little thing would cause me to crumble and it is those times when I search deep within myself to find my inner strength.

My faith helps in this quite a bit. A recent concert I went to allowed me the privilege to see a performer by the name of Jason Gray. He reminded me that it is not "the strong, the beautiful, the brave/not ... the ones who think they've got it made" but it is "the poor, the broken and the meek" that receive the Kingdom of God. In our weakness, God is made stronger and we can find our strength in Him. God uses my wounds, my imperfection, to bless me and others and to show His light to others.

So I search for strength within myself -- not the strength that masks the weakness, but the strength that allows me to stand in the face of my weakness and accept it fully, to move past it and use it to grow and further my spiritual development.

Jesus. :)

Here lately, my thoughts have been more guided towards the future. I'm trying to work out what my goals for the future are and where I see myself. I'm working on figuring out what I want to do and how I can achieve my goals!

I do. I believe that unconditional love is the only kind of love there should be. No matter what the other people in my life do, I always try to find it within myself to forgive them and to love them. I don't believe that love should just be taken away because someone makes a mistake or they say something or do something wrong or that they don't mean.